the summer rot
003
Hey hey,
We’re back with week 3! I’m kinda surprised I’ve kept this up every sunday for two weeks now, I imagine I’ll run into some conflict eventually. But this writing is purposely meant to be low stakes. It also helps because I live my week looking for something to write about at the end.
Staying home for summer has its ups and downs. After the initial burst of relief and relaxation when school lets out, I quickly find myself experiencing what I call the summer rot.
Part of the rot is the dilemma of staying at home with my parents. On one hand, I’m grateful I get to spend another summer in my childhood home, and spend time with my parents every day. I get to save some money by living at home, and I get the comforts of eating home cooked meals. To really up the stakes, this may be one of the last full summers I get to spend with my parents. When I graduate and begin to work full time, if I move out, it’s almost unheard of that I will get a 3 month chunk of time to go back home… for a long long time.
On the other hand, there’s the less glorious side of staying home. Working from home means that some days, my maximum radius of existence is 20 yards. There is no operating on my own schedule, no walking to a friends house (the unwalkable suburban distance 🙄+ gotta ask if I can use the car). What’s worse, even though my parents and I are working from home, even though I spend all day in the same house as them, it doesn’t feel like I get any quality time with them. It kinda sucks. We barely come together for a quickly put-together lunch before we rush off into meetings again. By the end of the day, my eyes and my brain are tired. If I go out with friends or work on some personal projects and hobbies, again it just feels like a shame to leave when my parents are right here in front of me. It really does feel like I’m grown up now, with my interests just a little outside of my parents sphere of attention. They do them, and I do me. Things weren’t always this way.
In light of this, things just feel more isolating back home. Even though all of my friends are a text, call, or sometimes a 15 minute drive away, it’s just harder to work up the energy to fit things into the schedule. I love hitting up my friends in mass texts just to check in, but man it’s also hard juggling that. It just takes more effort to reach out and do things.
And so this is the summer rot. Where there’s lots to do and people to be with but not enough incentive, energy, or motivation to put much of anything together during the day.
The days pass uneventfully when there is no focusing agent like homework or exams. Left without the rhythms of life (seeing friends, college extracurriculars, etc.) that are usually present, I find myself paralyzed on making plans that are harder and harder to come to fruition without effort.
Thankfully, the COVID19 pandemic has already put me through the ringer once. There are some mistakes that I don’t plan on repeating. Some general guidelines I’ve been pondering:
- Prioritize adventures and completing projects. There is a time and place for aimlessly reading and consuming media, but the real stories are made from going out and doing the thing — and the ability to look back and see all that you’ve accomplished. The most memorable parts of the pandemic for me was when I actively worked toward a goal or went out of my way to try something. Mini-adventures are what summers ought to be made of. There’s nothing better than knocking off something off the bucket list… or in my case, the bingo card that I’ve made for this summer!
- Lower the bar to action. Sometimes I make such a big deal of doing anything, when really a small walk, a quick doodle, writing a poem, making a spontaneous call with a friend - these are all adventures and projects worthy of remembering. Spend less time contemplating and more time just full sending it, especially when it’s the small adventures that don’t take a lot of time to be week-defining… or even summer-defining.
- Reach out to friends consistently, but better yet do something with them. In quarantine I would talk to many people over text, but the conversations aren’t too memorable or substantial looking back now. It’s one thing to check in with folks, but another to be brave enough to ask them to do something with you and make plans. Even though it’s more difficult sliding in something in the week, it can be small, low stakes. One of my favorite things I’m just introverted, so taking the leap to ask for some of these things feels weird. But hey, that’s not gonna stop me if the alternative is regretting I didn’t try more — which I definitely do regret a little bit from the pandemic.
- And the last thing… is to seek some form of balance and relaxation. Summer, like almost every other stage of life, is not for burnout and dread. I’m still looking for that balance of having my own life but also spending time with my family and sharing moments with them. And also, there’s no reason to dread not doing everything. The summer will pass quickly, undoubtedly, but I can only take things one day at a time. So there’s no reason to shame myself for not getting around to reading that book, writing that essay, programming that thing. Making sure I’m having fun along the way and not just beating myself up for not doing more.
So hey, that’s my mini-guide for beating the summer rot. No shame in spending time inside and reading books and watching shows (in fact, I want to do that as well. My friends have recommended me some!). But for me, I gotta be a little bit more proactive fighting against the rot and setting out on these small side-quests and spending good time with friends and fam. But again, if I’m not chillin and mentally not relaxed, then that really does defeat the purpose.
The days are long but the weeks are short. And things really have only just begun, but the rot is already weighing on my mind. I wrote as a guide to myself to hopefully stave it off a little better than the previous years.
Cheers, Evan